Hand Me the Sheers

Why is it that my favorite scenes always get cut?? I need to do a director’s cut of my story. Some of my favorite lines, too. And favorite characters. Here’s a tip from me: just because you cut them doesn’t mean you should throw them away. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve gone back through my “quotes” file and laughed my head off. Some quotes are accidentally humorous. Some just make me laugh. Most recent victims to the revisionist shears?

     --He knew what that answer would be: a stout “no” probably accompanied by a heavy tome of Algebraic equations.

     --“We’re taking every precaution. You all take your precautions as well. And, Rob, take off that hat!”
        “Sure thing, Chief.”

I also save typos or poorly constructed sentences which make me laugh. For example,

     --He set a waffle on her face (plate).

     --When his legs finally obeyed, he hurried to the end of the dock, jumped off, and ran.
        (I don’t know about you, but when I read, “jumped off,” I was expecting a splash.)

     --(perfectly deadpan serious)
        Over dinner, he told the story leaving out as much of the screaming, blood, and resuscitation as possible.

       (that one is a personal favorite :-) )

No matter how many characters, scenes, or lines I cut, though, one thing has never changed: they always eat stroganoff their first night in the military. :-)